Superbowl ads make Avatar look like it was filmed on the cheap. Avatar, being Pocahontas II on a mega-budget minus the really cool music, certainly is worth seeing for the phenomenal special effects and strangely attractive blue people with massive feet. But take away the effects, and you've got ... Pocahontas II (without the cool music).
The Superbowl ads, too, are worth seeing but, unfortunately, fall into the same cliche trap as Avatar.
And it's disappointing.
I don't want to go on a huge misogyny rant or anything like that. And I really think that if you don't get HOW GROSS it is to NOT put your underwear in the hamper, you don't deserve a Dodge or any other kind of car because you must be in third grade.
That said, just as my editor, publishers, and agent demand the best of me (as well as me!) so that I don't produce something we've "already seen," why isn't that expected of huge-budget ads, films etc.? Why is it "okay" to get by on weak story lines and cliche?
So, I thought that I'd put together a list cliches and "been there, done that, don't do it again ... even if you've got the budget" story lines, characters and more. I'm not saying these people and plots don't exist in real life. I'm just saying they've become so overdone, it's like eating beef in North Dakota. (If you eat beef in ND, you know what I mean.) Plus, if I were to write any of these scenarios or characters, I'd be out a job! And feel free to add on. I'd love your ideas:
- The Americans are out to destroy a beautiful planet and their "savage" indigenous people because some weasel-like, Napolean-complex corporate villain thinks that trees are unnecessary and the people are expendable so he can make lots of money mining the land that just happens to be the holy grounds of said expendable people. (Not only has this been done to death in film, TV etc., check out history, colonialism etc. Yep. Been there. DID that ... )
- Tough-ass marine gone vigilante, kill-happy for said corporate villain. (And it's NEVER a good idea to have the line, "Come to papa," in a film. Really.)
- People who love trees are inherently more beautiful and wonderful than anything having to do with technology. (I have a sinus infection and LOVE antibiotics. Really. I'll eat tree bark another day.)
- The martyr husband who is supposed to take out garbage like a normal human being and nag wife who wears skimpy lingerie. (Do these people buy groceries? When you're married you can't AFFORD skimpy lingerie:house payments, kids, doctor's appointments. C'mon. Let's get real here.)
- The brooding, mysterious, too-perfect boyfriend figure (who, of late, tends to be a vampire) and the non-popular female conquest.
- Any brooding too-perfect guy figures. Period.
- The nerdy girl who wants to be "in." So she does this ugly duckling transformation and voila! dates the captain of the football team and is homecoming queen. (Refer to Carrie because that's really how it will end. Stephen King did it right.)
- The switch-places thing: I wake up in your body, you wake up in mine, and then we have a good laugh about it at the end of the day when we learn the intended lesson and we're sent back where we belong.
- The "good ol' boys" that get together and moan about how hard it is to be a man in a world that expects something human of them -- something that doesn't involve belching, body odor and the like.
- The catty females that are insanely jealous of anything and find ways to hurt, belittle, and make the nerdy girl from above feel bad about herself.
- It's the end of the world and some washed-up writer, deadbeat dad, ex-husband will save his family because he's an accomplished limo driver.
- Speaking of writers: the alcoholic, OCD, tempermental, never-reaching-her-deadline writer but we sympathize because she has a "gift." (Yeah. Not in MY world!)
- The washed-up athlete going back to play, winning the series and respect of the world. (Nothing beats The Natural. But can we just leave it there?)
- The nerdy kids beating the jocks at dodgeball. (NOT gonna happen.)
- The ever-noble scientist needing to save the world juxtaposed with the ever-evil scientist working toward world domination.
- The dufus guy who wants to watch sports and his highly intelligent wife who is funny in a condescending way. (I know loads of really smart men and women who love sports.)
- Cultural cliches: Colombian drug lords. American idiots. Sophisticated French snobbery. Middle Eastern terrorists. Enlightened Buddhas. The minority or gay token character who either dies first or definitely DOESN'T get the girl or guy . Gay fashion designers or high fashion people (Not all gay people dress well. Sorry.).
Somebody said (I don't know who, hence the vague "somebody" reference) that all plots and stories have been used. Probably true. But that doesn't mean they can't try to surprise us -- to take a risk and a new perspective.
Maybe next year's 2.7 million dollars per thirty seconds will be put to better use. And we can only hope Cameron Crowe doesn't wait fifteen years to produce another movie without going to a plot doctor.
