Feeling Foreign FAQs, Strange Qs and I can't believe you asked me that Qs

A friend, Julie, and I were venting on Facebook about being "foreigners." We love where we live. She's in New Zealand. I'm in Colombia. But there are times when it would be so nice to blend into the surroundings (which I find pretty much impossible in my situation. Julie might be able to pull it off if she doesn't talk. But, Julie, I know you! And NOT talking isn't your thing, either. :-) )

So, this is how a conversation often goes when I get in a taxi, stand in line at a bank, at the supermarket etc. (Here are my standard answers to the most common, strangest, and holy-shit-I-can't-believe-he/she-asked-me-that). I don't want to sound ungrateful because the people here take genuine interest in foreigners' lives. Hell, there aren't a lot of us around! But, imagine hearing the same questions after thirteen years and just sometimes wanting to be invisible after a long day.

• Nope. I'm not from around here.
• The United States.
• Yes. I realize we're all in the Americas. Sorry about taking "American."
• No. In English we don't have United Statesian as a word.
• Yes. It should be.
• No, I don't know your uncle (brother, the ex-husband of your four cousin thrice removed) in New Jersey.
• I've never been to New Jersey.
• The garden state. Yes, it must be pretty. But it's far from where I live.
  
• Remember Bonanza (dadadadadadadada dadadadadadadadadadada)? Yep. About twenty minutes from where the Ponderosa was.
• I'd rather not sing the Bonanza theme song again.
• No. I don't have any contacts at the embassy.
• Hmmm ... I don't think swallowing condoms to bring drugs across the border is a good idea to support your six kids. (Perhaps if you USED a condom, that might help with the plethora of offspring.)
• Yeah. I think federal prison must suck.
• Yes. This is my real hair color.
• No. I've never thought about getting implants.
• Yep. They're small. I know.
• I do have lots of freckles.
  
• No. I don't get tan.
• Sunblock. Lots of sunblock.
  
• I don't really know what a typical American is. So I'm not sure if I'm one or not. I think I am.
• Well, we eat more than hamburgers and pizza and donuts and coke.
• I don't wear Levi's. But I like them. I just don't have any right now.
  
• Sorry about Panama.
• No. I don't really think we can give it back. It was a long time ago.
  
• I don't know why we re-elected him.
• Obama.
• Yeah. I don't know why everybody made such a big deal about Clinton and Lewinski.
  
• Entitled to do that? Ummmm ... I don't know. Pretty tacky. But whatever. I didn't really care.
  
• Yep. I know. All these years and I still have an accent.
• Very happy, thank you.
• Not better. Not worse. Just different.
• I write novels for a publishing house in the United States. For young adults.
• Yes. Thats' a real kind of novel.
• It really is.
• I hope people read my novels ... other than my family.
• Thanks. You have a good day, too.
  

Waxing Philosophical on The Cult of Beauty, Whitewashing and Big Noses ...

I often joke that I live in a place where there's more plastic in a square mile than there is in an international Tupperware convention. But when I really think about it, it's not funny. The cult of beauty in Pereira (and probably all of Colombia, Brazil and Venezuela, in particular) is, for lack of a better word, frightening.
Women and men (though mostly women) go under the knife without a second thought. Qualified plastic surgeons abound in Colombia, and it's now a big international business. 20% of Bogota's tourism in 2009 was plastic surgery bound.
So what's the problem? What's the big deal about wanting to "improve" your looks?
This is where it's really hard to pinpoint that unsettled-stomach feeling I get whenever I hear about yet another "routine" surgery. But here it is (and I wish I could say "in a nutshell.")
Besides the fact that I really believe that plastic surgery is a Band-Aid for a slew of insecurities the person has (It's THE manifestation of total self doubt), it does something that is heart-breaking in the way of homogenizing diversity, leaving us with perky boobs, butts, and "button" noses, erasing anything remotely interesting about a person's looks. As if that weren't enough, I have a few thoughts on other things that really bug the hell out of me when it comes to plastic surgery.

Nose jobs: Nose jobs erase ethnicity. Think about Barbara Streisand and that very amazingly Jewish nose. Now picture her with a button nose. She's gone. She's become "plane Jane" and effectively erased her ethnic heritage. Other celebrities with big noses who simply wouldn't make the cut without them: Gisele Bundchen big-nosed Brazilian beauty, Penelope Cruz with the Spanish schnozzle, Jennifer Aniston with her Greek beak, Anne Hathaway with her hooter, Serena Williams with her African-American probiscis (No, there are no "a" nose words that I could find).
I could go on. But I'll spare you the nose synonyms.

Boob jobs and butt implants: WTF? That's all I can say.

Face lifts: Half the women I know who have them look incredibly surprised, all the time. Surprise! You forgot to age with grace.

Okay. It's clear I could go on and on and on, but the point of this is to bring it back to the book cover controversies of late. Being part of the book industry, I believe that there's a magic in this business. I believe that literature in all its forms somehow bucks societal expectations, pushing the envelope, surprising us with such magical gifts like: The Book Thief, The First Part Last, Gilead, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime. And both readers and writers get to feel like we're part of something bigger when we read (or write) a book that creates non-cliche characters; when we're surprised by a cast of humans that we can relate to -- of all colors, shapes, sizes, religions, races, ethnicity, insecurities, big noses, flat chests and butts, unkempt hair and more. So when our main character is a person of color and the cover of the book has a white person (hence whitewashing) because of lame-ass market studies, error ... whatever, it's like Massachusetts turning Republican: WAY DISAPPOINTING. (OK. Had to get my political jab in there.) But really, we expect more of the publishers because they're the ones leading us through the muck, taking risks on magic, and then pbbbbbt: Cover disaster.

It seems to me that the in a cult of beauty, true beauty is lost. And when our publishing houses buy into that beauty prototype and what "will sell," we feel sad, disappointed, and kind of hang our heads wondering what happened to our intrepid leader? What happened to the house that had the balls to publish A Clockwork Orange, knowing that it might not sell but should simply be out there in the world for people to read. (Okay. Yeah. It did sell, but the publisher had NO idea it would.)

I guess what I'm saying is we expect more.
So it's time to deliver.

ALA Day!!!

Being awarded by the ALA means WAY more than getting a cool sticker on your book. The ALA Youth Media awards are like Oscar night for children's writers (without the borrowed 2 million dollar earrings). It's a day in which the American Library Association recognizes excellence in children's literature across the board from illustrators to non fiction books, young adult to children's books. The ALA's motto is: The best reading, for the largest number, at the least cost.

Now, that said, getting one of those stickers on your book is like having Mr. Oscar sitting on a dusty bookshelf. (Okay. I know. People who have Oscars have maids and don't have dusty shelves.) Anyway, it's BIG. It's a BIG DEAL. Plus, like I've mentioned before (twice) you get a cool sticker on your book. :-) And the committees who choose these books read hundreds of books a year to narrow it down to this list of winners.

Congratulations to the winners!! And thank you to the ALA for giving us a whole list of amazing books for us to put on our wish lists. Moreover, all of these winners set a standard for authors and illustrators everywhere, raising the bar, challenging us to become better at what we do. Whenever I read award-winning books and novels, I do so with my jaw open thinking, "Holy hell, this is amazing."
So, here's the list of jaw-dropping, holy-hell-this-is-amazing children literature chosen from 2009.

John Newberry Medal for most outstanding contribution to children's literature : When You Reach Me by Rebecca Stead
Randolph Caldecott Medal for most distinguished American picture book for children: The Lion and the Mouse by Jerry Pinkey

Michael L Printz award for excellence in literature written for young adults: Going Bovine by Libba Bray
Coretta Scott King (Author) Book Award recognizing an African American author and illustrator of outstanding books for children and young adults: Bad News for Outlaws: The Remarkable Life of Bass Reeves, Deputy US Marshall by Vanda Micheaux Nelson (illustrated by R. Gregory Christie)
Coretta Scott King (Illustrator) Book Award: My People by Charles R Smith Jr.
Coretta Scott King/John Steptoe New Talent Award: The Rock and the River by Kekla Magoon
Coretta Scott King - Virginia Hamilton Award for Lifetime Achievement: Walter Dean Myers
Pura Belpre (illustrator) Award honoring a Latino author and illustrator whose children's books best portray, affirm, and celebrate the Latino cultural experience: Book Fiesta!: Celebrate Children’s Day/Book Day; Celebremos El día de los niños/El día de los libros: Illustrated by Rafael Lopez
Pura Belpre (Author): Return to Sender by Julia Alvarez

Schneider Family Book Award: Django written and illustrated by Bonnie Christensen, Anythinb but Typical by Nora Raleigh Baskin, Marcelo in the Real World by Francisco X. Stork.
William C. Morris Award for first-time author of Young Adult literature: Flash Burnout by L.K. Madigan
Odyssey Award: Louise, the Adventures of a Chicken written by Kate DiCamillo and narrated by Barbara Rosenblat
Theodor Seuss Geisel Award: Benny and Penny in the Big No-No! written and illustrated by Geoffrey Hayes
Margaret A Edwards Award: Jim Murphy



Robert F. Sibert Medal: Almost Astronauts: 13 Women Who Dared to Dream by Tanya Lee Stone
YALSA Excellence in Nonfiction Award: Charles and Emma: The Darwins' Leap of Faith by Deborah Heiligman
Andrew Carnegie Medal: Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus! produced by Paul R. Gagne and Mo Willems of Weston Woods
Mildred L Batchelder Award: A Faraway Island, originally published in Swedish as En ö i havet written by Annika Thor, translated by Linda Schenck

Colombia from the Hip: The Gingerbread Man's Adventures in Colombia

Well, we had a visitor from Rugby, North Dakota. My cousin's little Gingerbread Man hopped out of his book and came to see Colombia. He couldn't have come at a better time since he got to partake in all December's craziness. Granted, we did lose him for a couple of days (my cousin doesn't know that, and no he won't be reading this. He's seven years old!), but luckily he was found in some flowers at Cesar's farm. I'd like to think he went camping and those days were spent soul searching and all that hullaballoo. And don't think I didn't kind of totally panic looking for the stinking guy, certain that my little cousin would be damaged for life if his Gingerbread Man didn't return from his international trip. At one point, at the Festival of Lights, we even made an announcement looking for the missing Gingerbread Man. Not many took it quite as seriously as I would've liked.
Nevertheless, he was found! What I liked about his visit was I got the chance to take photos of the Colombia I love, not the Colombia we too often read about.
Anyway, here's the Gingerbread Man's Adventures in Colombia -- with Colombian flowers, visiting the city, posing with Colombian hats and ponchos! (I think the photos speak for themselves. And, yes, people thought I was weird taking pictures with a piece of paper all over the place. But, well, I'm a foreigner here, so it comes by naturally.): Oh! And the smudgy mouth ... well, that was after his camping escapade. Oops!

Favorite First Lines ...

HAPPY NEW YEAR! (And decade)

And now it's time to think about beginnings. Don't worry, I'm not going to ask about anybody's New Year's resolutions because I tend to be anti-resolution myself. But when talking about novels, there's nothing like a great, unforgettable, first line.

Lisa, my super slinger critique partner and uber-blogger got her readers thinking about first chapters. But today, I'm thinking about the first lines of novels because a great first line is gold.

Here are some of my favorites. What are yours??

One Hundred Years of Solitude (Gabriel Garcia Marquez):
Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendia was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice.

The Catcher in the Rye (JD Salinger):
If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don't feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth.

Feed (MT Anderson):
We went to the moon to have fun, but the moon turned out to completely suck.

The Book Thief (Markus Zusak):
First the colors. Then the humans. That's usually how I see things. Or at least, how I try.

Motherless Brooklyn (Jonathan Lethem):
Context is everything. Dress me up and see. I'm a carnival barker, an auctioneer, a downtown performance artist, a speaker in tongues, a senator drunk on filibuster. I've got tourettes.

The Bible (Who knows??):
In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.